Song from an Unfinished Zombie Musical

Stokes and Fenzel are visited by the ghosts of creative projects past.

Waaaay back in the day, Fenzel and I decided that it would be a good idea to write an elaborate Broadway musical.  About zombies.  There have actually been zombie musicals before, mind you, but what sets ours apart is that it would be played completely straight.  Or rather, as I think one of us said at the time, “No parody element that we can dream up is going to be more fundamentally ridiculous than the fact that there are singing zombies on the stage.”

Anyway, that was a long time ago.  We put in a lot of work.  But we did not put in enough.  And for a long time, it looked like no part of Brains! The Musical of The Living Dead would ever see the light of day.

But since we mentioned the project on the podcast a while back, it seemed only appropriate to toss something up this week.  This isn’t necessarily the best song we wrote for the show, but it’s definitely the most stand-alone-y.  All that you need to know to enjoy this is that the heroes are about to make a stand against the zombie hordes, and they’re reviewing strategy.  The guy who is singing is named Hank.  (That might not have made the final draft.)

Here’s the sheet music:

The Only Way To Kill A Zombie (PDF)

Here’s a terrible MIDI realization (think of it as lo-fi, if that helps).

The Only Way To Kill A Zombie (MP3)

And here are the lyrics…

Remember – aim high!  shoot ‘em in the head!

The only way to kill a zombie

is to destroy his brain!

You can carve his heart out of his chest

But that won’t slow him down.

The only way to kill a zombie

is to destroy his brain!

You can cut the legs out from under him

But he’ll push along on his stubs.

The only way to kill a zombie

is to destroy his brain!

You can chop his head off at the neck

But his jaws will snap at your ankles.

The only way to kill a zombie

is to destroy his brain!

He will keep walking and keep feeding

until somebody stops him.

And that, gentlemen,

Is what we have come here to do.

One Comment on “Song from an Unfinished Zombie Musical”

  1. Genevieve #

    I’m loving it. You should push forward! Everything on stage nowadays (that’s any good) is too tongue-in-cheek. Evil Dead: the Musical was brilliant (at least, the soundtrack) but how much cooler would it have been if it had been utterly serious and intent on scaring the crap out of the audience?

    Anyway, I haven’t seen this, but the storyline looks inanely amusing:

    Also, unrelated to musicals, but related to zombies, this article made me weep for the fate of Iowa during the inevitable zombie war: Everyone knows you can’t kill a zombie by punching it in the eye!


Add a Comment