Back in April, after Mitt Romney secured his status as the Republican nominee for President, we made a couple suggestions for his running mate…in the form of buddy cop movie parings:
This past weekend, we learned that Romney ignored our advice to go with Chris Christie or Marco Rubio and instead went with Wisconsin Representative Paul Ryan as his mismatched-yet-oddly-appropriate partner for his squad car ride to the White House. We reacted to the news in the only way we could: by creating a buddy cop movie poster for the newly created duo:
I hope you all appreciate the Ayn Rand jokes, because the concept for this one took a while to come together. See, with the Romney-Christie and Romney-Rubio parings, the buddy cop dynamic was far more obvious than with the Romney-Ryan paring. Sure, Romney and Ryan have their differences in terms of age, religion, and hunting skills, but they’re best characterized by their similar attitudes towards cutting taxes for the rich and dismantling the social safety net. These guys aren’t about to go Galt. They’re teaming up for a budget-slashing battle royale.
So it’s not the most satisfying buddy cop paring, but it makes for a good sight gag. The fact that it comes at the expense of Ayn Rand is just an added bonus.
Readers: can you do better than us at inserting Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan into a buddy cop movie, or some other form of fictional bromantic couple? To help you come up with your awesome title/tagline/movie poster, we’re sharing the rest of the ideas that we brainstormed:
- BAIN RAND
- FIST-FULL CONSERVATIVES: Get ready to drop the debt ceiling… ON CRIME.
- ATLAS THUGGED
- This Fall … They’re Going From FOUNTAINHEADS … To POUNDIN’ HEADS.
- “Hey Honey, can I borrow the cars?” CADILLAC COPS
- DEBT WISH IV: THE BARACK-DOWN
- TYLER PERRY’S MADEA LOSES HER MEDICARE
- A sex farce about two fratty guys trying to throw the ultimate party: ATLAS CHUGGED
- A sex farce about two corporations that use a racist African witch doctor stereotype to become people and then go on a road trip to Vegas to get laid for the first time: PEOPLE PERSONS
- In the sequel, Mitt meets and falls in love with an African American server at a catering event and moves to the ghetto to try to win her affections: PEOPLE PERSONS 2: CORPORATE PERSON ‘HOOD
- SOME LIKE IT WHITE: Dressing up Like Demagogues to Get the Girl
- LETHAL WHITE MEN 2: Toilet Bombing Taxes
- MARKED FOR DEATH TAXES: The 1% Fights Back
- THE DARK MITT RISES, featuring Robin Paul Ryan
MORMONEY, MORE PROBLEMS – Featuring Paul Ryan as Detective John Problems.
THE TAKING OF PELHAM 1-2-3 II: END OF THE LINE – Instead of taking a subway train hostage, terrorists destroy public transportation across the city — by privatizing it.
GOP OUT – Bringing their wide stance to an airport bathroom stall near you.
Tagline for any or all of them: “This Mitt just got real.”
MORMONEY, MORE PROBLEMS
This is gold (standard) (to which we should return immediately in order to keep the Federal Reserve from bankrupting our nation) (Google Ron Paul).
Actually a buddy cop movie should be ideologically problematic for these two, because police forces are collectivized. Wouldn’t everything work more efficiently and fairly if it was privatized? They should only be keeping the streets clean where private citizens have funded it.
Paul Ryan Blart, Mall Cop.
Observe and Tort Reform?
The Crusaders? I’m sure there’s a good one to be had created by replacing the word “Tango” in “Tango and Cash”. I don’t know enough about buddy cop movies for this…
Contango and Cash.