Lee:Ugh. “I Got a Feelin’,” the Black Eyed Peas, song, was nominated for the “Record of the Year” Grammy. What a joke. Though I don’t want to do it the service of even mentioning it on this site, it’s worth repeating that this is an awful, awful song. It has no redeeming quality.
Fenzel: TONIGHT’S THE NIGHT!!
Lee: Not lyrical, not musical, not cultural
Fenzel: LET’S LIVE IT UP!!
Lee: If anything, it actively subtracts from music in general for being so bad
Fenzel: I GOT MY MONEY!!!
Lee: As in, it makes other songs worse. Not just Black Eyed Peas songs, but the life’s work of other musicians is made less by the existence of this song
Fenzel: LET’S SPEND IT UP!!!
Lee: The Black Eyed Peas should be banned from public performance,
Fenzel: GO OUT AND SMASH IT!!
Lee: And their names and likenesses should be stricken from every record
Fenzel: LIKE OH MY GOD!!
Lee: Fenzel, I am entirely serious. If you keep going on like that, I am going to have to stab you in the eye. Not out of vengeance, not out of spite, but because the calculus of utilitarianism demands I stop your singing that infernal song for the preservation of the aggregate happiness. But it’s not just consequentialism, either. Ontologically, the lack of thought in that song is so profound it detracts from thought, which means it is a moral crime against any system that considers thought to be the basis or ultimate source of value or the Good.
Fenzel: JUMP OFF THAT SOFA!!
Lee: … I am sharpening my eye spike.
Fenzel: LET’S GET GET . . . OFF!!