Great Moment In Rock ‘n’ Roll Emasculation

I really wish I could blame the Chinese for this one, but alas, it seems like the Brits censored their own Led Zeppelin and forced a minor lyrical change for a performance of “Whole Lotta Love” at the Olympic Closing … Continued

I really wish I could blame the Chinese for this one, but alas, it seems like the Brits censored their own Led Zeppelin and forced a minor lyrical change for a performance of “Whole Lotta Love” at the Olympic Closing Ceremonies.  Two reasons are cited in the news report; 1) organizers deemed a particular lyric “too racy” and 2) female singer Leona Lewis who sang with Robert Plant thought that the lyrics weren’t fitting of a female singer.

BEFORE: I’m gonna give you every inch of my love.

AFTER: I’m gonna give you every bit of my love.

As the Brits say, BULLOCKS. What’s rock and roll without double entendres?  See what happens when you start to sanitize some of rock’s greatest penis references after the jump:

Let the emasculation begin.  I present four examples of what would happen if these folks got their hands on some of rock’s great double entendres:

“Smokestack Lightning,” Muddy Waters

  • BEFORE: “Well the train I ride, sixteen coaches long
  • AFTER: “Well the bike I ride, sixteen speeds from which to choose.

“Big Ten Inch,” Aerosmith

  • BEFORE: “When I wanna get her goin’/Then I whip out my big ten inch
  • AFTER: “When I wanna get her goin’/Then I take her someplace nice in my Ford Focus

“Love Gun,” KISS

  • BEFORE: “You pull the trigger of my Love Gun
  • AFTER: “You pull the trigger of my Baton of Platonic Affection

And finally:

“Big Bottom,” Spinal Tap

  • BEFORE: “My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo./I love to sink her with my pink torpedo.
  • AFTER: “My baby fits me like a finely tailored tuxedo./I love to charm her with my good looks and wit.

I know there are many, many more examples out there, so whip ’em out in the comments!

13 Comments on “Great Moment In Rock ‘n’ Roll Emasculation”

  1. fenzel #

    Reverse your previous reluctance, feel the noise /
    Girls take your boys to get ice cream /
    We get wild, wild wild /

    – Quiet Riot

    “Step back youre dancing kinda close /
    I feel a little discomfort because of a lack /
    Of personal space

    Now girl I know you are aware of the situation /
    But boo, you know my attempts to hold back my feelings have been unsuccessful /
    You are rightfully apprised of my predilections”

    – Next, “Too close”

    [THIS SPACE LEFT BLANK]

    – Dave Matthews Band, “Crash”

    Reply

  2. stokes OTI Staff #

    “I want to groom you like an animal /
    I want to feel you from the outside
    – Nine Inch Nails, “Closer”

    Reply

  3. mlawski OTI Staff #

    To be fair, the NIN song wasn’t exactly a double entendre in the first place.

    Reply

  4. lee #

    Stokes, Fenzel, I’m looking for more specifically phallic references.

    Rock lyrics are full of double entendres generally about sex (“I’ll teach you how to fax in the mailroom honey” from “Love In An Elevator” by Aerosmith is just one fine example), but the best ones go straight to the…point…as it were.

    Reply

  5. Rob #

    AC/DC’s “Let me put my love into you”:

    Before:
    “Let me put my love into you, babe
    Let me put my love on the line
    Let me put my love into you, babe
    Let me cut your cake with my knife.”

    After:
    “Let me put my emotions in plain view, babe
    Let me put my love on the line
    Let me put my emotions in plain view, babe
    Let me ask you to be my wife.”

    Reply

  6. Gab #

    “Cherry Pie” by Warrant would be banned. There’s no
    “fixing” that one.

    Reply

  7. fenzel #

    “It’s been a difficult day’s night /
    And I’ve been working like a dog.”

    Reply

  8. Professor Coldheart #

    The track hits your eardrums like a slug to your chest
    Like a vest for your puppy in the City of Angels
    – 2Pac and Dre, “California Love”

    Forget the telly, we’ll just go to the crib
    Watch a movie in the jacuzzi, smoke ells while you critique it
    – The Notorious B.I.G., “Big Poppa”

    I got the walking stick
    I know if I can twirl it once, I can twirl it twice
    I got the walking stick
    Shorty you don’t believe me, then ask a trusted friend
    – 50 Cent, “Magic Stick”

    Reply

  9. fenzel #

    (Shawty wanna li-li-li-lick me)
    Like an envelope
    (Shawty wanna li-li-li-lick me)
    Like an envelope
    (Shawty wanna lick me)
    Like an envelope
    She she lick me
    Like an envelope
    (I Let her put on the postage stamp)

    – Li’l Wayne

    Reply

  10. Drimmer #

    “My bell that rings
    My bell that rings
    Won’t you play with my bell that rings (which is not standing in for my penis in any way)”
    –Chuck Berry

    Reply

  11. Gab #

    “Moving to the country
    “Gonna eat me a lotta peaches…
    “Millions of peaches
    “Peaches for me
    “Millions of peaches
    Peaches for free”
    -Presidents of the United States, “Peaches”

    Reply

Add a Comment