Crank this thread Open until the bass BLOWS OUT YOUR WINDOWS. Then, regret the choices you’ve made.
Did anything happen this week other than Oscar nominations being announced? Probably! But we’re too lazy to look. If you want to discuss something else, sound off in the com– oh, wait, too soon for that part. Sorry. Hold up.
Here are the Academy Award nominees:
Best Actor, Man Parts: Jeff Bridges in a role John Wayne made famous; Jesse Eisenberg, Colin Firth and James Franco playing real people; Javier Bardem playing, honestly, I’m not sure what. Try watching the trailer and tell me. Is he a drug dealer with cancer? Is he a sweatshop owner raising special needs kids? He looks great, don’t get me wrong.
Best Actor, Woman Parts: Annette Bening as a lesbian; Natalie Portman as a ballerina with a lesbian sex scene; Michelle Williams as a wife grappling with domestic ennui; Jennifer Lawrence as a teenager tracking her meth-dealing father through the Ozarks after he put up their house for bail and fled, and holy shit. Wow. Don’t everyone else’s problems sound trivial compared to that? I’ve had to dig my car out of a lot of snow this winter, but I’m doing all right.
Best Original Screenplay: The King’s Speech, The Kids are All Right, The Fighter, Inception and Another Year. Two of those are based on true stories and one’s named after a Who song, so how original can they be? Am I right? Am I right? (Am I?)
Best Movie For All the Marbles: Oh, crap, they’re doing that thing where they nominate ten movies again. Do I have to write them all out? You know the ones. With the dancers and the meth addicts and the other meth addicts and the dream ninjas and the Facebook and Toy Story 3. Good luck picking a winner out of that bunch.
Could Mark Wahlberg take Natalie Portman in a fight? (Yeah, yeah, I know, but think about it) Or is there something we missed? Sound off in the comments, for this is your … Open Thread.