The other night, I was watching the hilarious, soon-to-be-canceled sitcom “Better Off Ted” when ABC cut to commercial and told me something that made me raise my eyebrows and say “huh.” Did you know that Lost was coming back to ABC on February 2nd, 2010 at 9 (8 central)? Yes, it’s true. I didn’t believe it, myself, at first. Fortunately, ABC decided to repeat this information four more times before the “Ted” episode ended, just so I could be sure.
Okay, actually, I did know before Tuesday that Lost was coming back. Shocking, I know. True, I haven’t been foaming at the mouth over the premiere like some other people, but, you know what? I’m excited. Really excited.
Since I started watching Lost, people have been asking me, “Is it worth it?” Well, let me put it this way: recently, I’ve started watching The Wire, and while it’s a very, very well-made show, it just doesn’t put a smile on my face the way Lost does. When I think about Lost, I don’t think about the gaping plot holes and the silly plot twists or the still-stupid Jack-Kate-Sawyer love triangle. I think about the warm, fuzzy feeling I get in my stomach when I think about Ben Linus doing something evil, or how I laughed with joy when Jacob said, “What about you?” in last season’s finale, or how I chuckle and shake my head every time Jack starts to cry and scream for no good reason. I think about Hurley, a character who I claim would make every show better. (Seriously, how much better would the new Battlestar Galactica have been Hurley were there to say, “Dudes, maybe we should, I dunno, like, chill out a little?”) A few weeks ago I was sitting next to a Scottish guy in a restaurant, and it took all of my energy to stop smiling from giggly thoughts of Desmond Hume.
Anyway, to those who asked me long ago if Lost was worth watching: Yes. Yes, it is, if you can be nonchalant about the convoluted mythology, shrug off the never-ending fate vs. free-will arguments, overlook the increasingly annoying fact that none of the characters ever seem to communicate truthfully with each other. Seriously, forget all of that. This is simply the most fun, addictive show on television, and I will be very sorry when it ends.
The following post includes my predictions for Lost’s final season, made in part because frequent commenter dock asked me to, and in part because I’m a predictor by nature. I’m not necessarily a good predictor, mind you, mostly because I tend to make predictions more based on what I think would make the most dramatically-pleasing story instead of what I actually think the writers will do. For example, before the final Harry Potter book came out, I made various predictions primarily based on what I wanted to happen. Some of these were right—Snape is good, the final battle will be at Hogwarts—and some, like my hope that the wizards and Muggles would finally ally to take down Voldemort, were, sadly, wrong. I don’t have the actual statistics on me, but I believe my guesses were about 7-10% accurate. (The ego-protection center of my brain assures me that this is because J.K. Rowling wasn’t as clever as my predictions were.)
So that’s how I came up with my predictions for the final season of Lost. I sat down (yes, literally, I did this) and came up with various things that could happen in the show, and then I listed the pros and cons, from a dramatic perspective, of each plot occurrence.
Here are my predictions.
The Goods and the Evils
Jacob: Good. (Metaphorically going to stand in for Jesus.)
Man in Black: Not good, but not evil evil, either. Definitely cynical and virulently anti-Jacob. (Metaphorically, he’s going to stand in for Satan.)
Ben: Not on one side or the other. In general, doing whatever is best for him at any given moment, which usually results in his being evil.
Widmore: Thinks he’s on the side of good but is being manipulated to work for Man in Black.
Richard: Good, but will eventually realized he’s been manipulated by Jacob and will have a moment of pissiness towards him.
The Others: Oh, hell, I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about them for a while, and I have come to the conclusion that I have absolute no idea who these people are and what they’re doing. I guess my guess is that the Others are working for Jacob but are neither good nor evil; they’re just there to protect the Island at all costs—but for what reason, I can’t say.
The Dharma Initiative: Thought they were Team Good, but actually accidentally doing evil with their awful “science.”
The Losties: Flawed but ultimately on the side of good. Jacob (or Jacob through the Others) wrote up the lists of “good people” to keep them out of the way; the real heroes are, and were always meant to be, the flawed, but still redeemable, people on the plane. That’s part of the “rules.” Jacob wants to prove that humanity is good and can be redeemed (even though they have free will), but he’s not allowed to stack the deck and only bring “good” people to the Island. He says to MIB, Okay, I’ll bring some of the worst people I can find to the Island, and I’ll show you how good they can be!
Christian Shephard: I keep going back and forth on this one. It all comes down to the question, How do I want the show to end? Is it more dramatic for Christian to turn out to be good, and Jack ends up reuniting with him, or evil, in which case the climax of Jack’s story will be when he defeats his father and realizes he doesn’t need to be bound by him anymore. While I like that second “screw you, dad” ending a lot (especially since it dovetails nicely with the “free will” theme that Jacob supports), my gut is telling me that Christian is a good guy.
The Monster: I personally don’t think we’re going to get a straight answer from the show on what the Monster is, beyond, “It is a security system for the Temple, and it’s been around since [insert date/past event here].” I kind of like the idea that the Monster is some mysterious Island spirit that is never fully explained. That said, it does seem like the Monster and the Man in Black have similar powers to take over dead bodies/the forms of dead people, so I wouldn’t be particularly surprised if it turned out that the Monster was simply one of the MIB’s forms.
The Island: Neither good nor evil. It’s just the Island.
The Dead List
People who will die before the series ends:
Ben: He must die gloriously—either sacrificing himself for the greater good so he can piss someone off OR after he makes himself into a semi-omnipotent demi-god a la the second-to-last boss in any Final Fantasy game.
Jack: I am counting on this being the ending of Lost–not only because it would finally make Jack into the real tragic hero he’s only pretended to be since the beginning of the series but also because I don’t see a future for him after the show. Seriously, what could Jack do after this? Go back to being a doctor? Move to Thailand and get another tattoo?
Widmore: See my “redemptive death” theory, above. I think he’ll die relatively early in the final season, and we won’t see the death blow. The characters—including Penny, Desmond, and possibly Ben—will walk into the room and see him dying on the floor.
Christian Shephard: I mean, sure, he’s dead already, but I mean he will disappear, become un-un-dead, no more Christian Shephard in any form, he moves onto the next world, etc.
The Man in Black
Ilana (and possibly Bram, but who cares about Bram?)
Pierre Chang: We will see the events that actually led up to his death—whether it is by Purge or by some other means.
The Monster: Well, he probably won’t die, but he may disappear, never to be seen again. (The Monster tips his hat, says, “Clicky clack my work here is done clickity click clack,” and flies off into the sunset.)
A majority (if not all) of the Others: Preferably by something akin to a flaming arrow attack.
People who will make it through the series alive:
Juliet: Assuming the reset occurred–but she will spend 99.9-100% of the final season off screen hanging out with her sister and having a happy, Others-free life.
Sawyer & Kate: Who will end up together, because A) Jack will be dead and Juliet will either be dead or won’t have her memories, which leaves only these two sides of the love-quadrangle in the equation. And, B) it would be interesting to see grown-up versions of these once-immature characters try to have a serious, adult relationship in the real world.
Hurley: Seriously, if he dies, the show is dead to me. I’m not sure if it’s too sappy, but what the hell. I see him ending up back with Alive!Libby at the end of the last episode. I mean, they’re not going to get married or anything, but he’ll run into her in the real world and start walking toward her. Then he’ll see The Numbers written behind her on a billboard or something. He’ll hesitate (bad luck!), but then say, “Hell with it,” and go ask her out for a cup of coffee.
Penny: I want to say “happily ever after with Desmond and a bunch of adorable children,” but I’m not completely sure yet.
Walt: But we will barely see him throughout the final season, and his “specialness” will be mostly ignored by the show.
Good!Locke: Assuming realLocke somehow returns to life (big assumption, I know, but I’m going to make it), I don’t see him dying again. Once was enough, thank you. I’d like to see him making peace with the fact that he’s not special and doesn’t need to be.
Richard: But he’ll become mortal, somehow.
Sayid: Maybe this is just wishful thinking, but he’s had such a death wish over the past two seasons that I think it would be more dramatically-interesting if he lived through the show and decided to start rebuilding his life as civilian: “I’m Sayid Jarrah, and I’m running for state senator.”
Lapidus: ‘Cause he’s too cool to die.
Not sure yet:
Sun & Jin, Rose & Bernard, Miles, Desmond, Claire, Eloise.
- We will get a long, long ago flashback sequence: either from the 1800s (the long-awaited Richard flashback) or from even earlier (i.e., ancient Egypt times: the Island flashback).
- All of the “rules” and “loopholes” mentioned by Jacob, MIB, Ben, and Widmore have to do with time loops. The rules literally could not be broken because it would cause a temporal paradox and cause them all to die.
- In the fate vs. free will match up, free will will win.
- In the science vs. faith match up, both will win. (I want Jacob to say something like, “Why do you think these things are mutually exclusive?”)
Bonus Prediction From My Dad, Who Has Seen Zero Episodes of This Show
The title “Lost” is figurative as well as literal. At the end of the show, all of the characters will “find themselves.” Aww, ain’t that nice.
Sawyer Will Say “Sonofabitch” This Many Times
Jack Will Cry This Many Times
If I Were Writing the Season Premiere, Here’s How It Would Start
The scene: Oceanic Flight 815 on the day of the crash. Starts the same way it did before: flight attendants trying to get Charlie out of the bathroom, Jack’s talking to Rose while Bernard’s using the toilet. The plane suddenly hits turbulence and takes a nosedive.
Then the plane doesn’t crash. Reset, bitches!
After the near-crash, Charlie is forcibly dragged out of the bathroom after he does his drugs. Jack and Rose will look at each other, smile, and shrug. Bernard will return from his own bathroom break. Sawyer looks across the plane, where he sees a blonde woman who looks sorta like Juliet. He starts crying but doesn’t know why. Kate sees Claire and starts screaming, “You can’t give him away! You can’t!” Hurley says something funny and ironic about the situation. Air Marshal guy forces Kate into her seat and demands, “What do you think you’re doing? Do you know that woman?” “I don’t know,” says Kate.
Then the camera pans through the airplane, stopping briefly on Locke, Sun & Jin, Boone & Shannon, etc. Bernard leaves the back bathroom and returns to his seat. The camera pans from the bathroom area to the very last row in the back of the plane. Sitting there, looking highly unamused, is the Man in Black.
[What are your Lost season 6 predictions, hopes, questions, fears? The comment section below is your playground. Just, no spoilers for season 6. If you know something spoilery about it, don’t say it here.]