Simber made his cliches clever allusions to classic works of theater. If you get all of these with no Googling, you’re a better man than I.
- “You forgot one thing.” “What’s that, hotshot?” “The unities of time, space and action.”
- “Leave Godot out of it. This is between Vladimir and Estragon.”
- “In case the Oracle from Delphi turns out bad, there’s something I want you to know. I’ve always found you a bit young to be my husband.”
- “You’ve never given up on anything in your life! Now stand up and rely on the kindness of strangers!”
- “We have to go back for him!” “Forget him! He’s Bunburying!”
- “If I sit here idling, they will cut down the cherry orchard. And I won’t let that happen.”
- “Only an ill-conceived plan involving coma-inducing poison and letters to Mantua can save us now.”
- “So it’s true what they say. You are an honorouble man.”
- “In every man’s life, there’s a time to be and a time not to be. I feel like soliloquying. Who’s with me?”
- “What do we do now?” [dramatic zoom] “We go to Moscow.”
If I were giving one prize to the “winner,” Simber would probably win it for this. Actually Simber, email me. I might have to invent a prize. [looks around the room] You want a Papa John’s coupon?
N. Bluth wrote 10 Arrested Development-themed cliches, such as: “You’ve never given up on anything in your life! Now stand up and take off those cut-offs!” I’m assuming N. Bluth was inspired by the rumors that an Arrested Development movie is in the works, or maybe he just really likes the show.
Wamme brought us the School Version: “In case you’ve already stolen the right answers, there’s something I want you to know. I’ve always prepared two versions… just in case.”
Mondoobscuro wrote the Christmas in July edition: “In every man’s life, there’s a time to deliver presents and a time to eat cookies. I feel showing FedEx how the big boys do it. Who’s with me?”
And TheHappyFacist walks right up to that line between “Awesome” and “Maybe I should delete this comment” with a batch of cliches written from the perspective of the terrorists. Yup.
- “We have to go back for him!” “Forget him! He’s a Jew!”
- “Only Osama can save us now.”
- “In every man’s life, there’s a time to kill innocents and a time to deny the holocaust. I feel like killing innocents who believe in the holocaust. Who’s with me?”
And so on.
HappyFacist, assuming you were totally 100% kidding, well done.
Like I said, there were plenty more great ones I loved, so thanks to everybody who took the time to enter. If all our readers could collaborate on a summer blockbuster, the world would be a better place. And Bruce Campbell would be the biggest star in America.