Part 3 in a series of disgruntled rants.

So towards the beginning of the movie, Dr. Jones tells us:

Legend says that a crystal skull was stolen from a mythical lost city in the Amazon, supposedly built out of solid gold, guarded by the living dead.

But guess what? When they get to the city, it is NOT guarded by the living dead. Instead, it’s guarded by the cast of Apocalypto.

No, George Lucas! Bad Lucas! You do NOT promise your audience zombies in the first reel, and then flake out!

And If any of you are feeling generous towards Lucas, you might suggest, “Well, just because they don’t look like zombies or act like zombies doesn’t mean they’re not immortal, magical guardians.” But the official novelization of Crystal Skull describes these guys only as “Ugla warriors” (p. 272) and “tribesmen” (273). And more importantly, when Indy first mentions the legend, the novel entirely omits the part about the “living dead” (p. 86). (By the way, I didn’t buy the book. I just looked at it in a Barnes and Noble. I just want people to know that.)

Survey the damage after the jump.

So a while back, I complained about the relative lack of violence in the latest Indiana Jones film. Indy doesn’t shoot a single person. I blamed this on Lucus - the only person in the galaxy who believes that Star Wars is a better film when Greedo shoots first.

Anyway, I’ve edited together a little protest. Here’s Raiders of the Lost Ark, getting the Lucas “Special” Edition treatment:

By the way, a couple months ago, there was a very strange photo floating around the internet.

That’s George Lucas, on the set of Crystal Skull, wearing a “Han Shot First” t-shirt. This is basically the same as George Bush wearing a “No Blood For Oil” t-shirt. Does not compute.