2018-2020: Back to Basics
The now-humbled hedge fund turned its attention to far less ambitious projects. First, it attempted to recreate the success of the viral internet sensation “Two Gentlemen of Lebowski” by commissioning its own Shakespeare-ification of the original story:
Much to their dismay, the project went no further than appearing on a bunch of hipsters’ blogs and a short, unprofitable theatrical run in New York’s East Village.
Finally, in a last ditched effort, Pacificor put the franchise in the hands of author Stephenie Meyer, who by 2019 had still failed to replicate the success of her Twilight saga. The resulting novel was predictable…
…but proved hugely popular with pre-teen girls who had until this point not been exposed to the Terminator franchise. To them, this tale of chaste, forbidden love between an awkward teen girl and a dreamy cyborg from the future spoke to their isolated, misunderstood existences and unrealistic expectations for romantic relationships.
By 2020, Pacificor was preparing for further installments of Stephenie Meyer-penned novels and subsequent film adaptations of those novels–and to profit handsomely from them.
Conclusion: No Fate?
Now that I’ve seen the future of Terminator, I’m rather upset. Sure, winning that lawsuit and all of that money will be nice, but Terminator is more important than any of that. Look what’s happening to Star Wars: the original trilogy is being erased from existence. If Pacificor moves forward with Freddie Prinze, Jr. movies and Stephenie Meyer novels, surely it will try to suppress any knowledge of the original sci-fi masterpieces T1 and T2.
I can’t let this happen.
It appears I must take the future into my own hands.
No fate but what we make.
“Much to their dismay, the project went no further than appearing on a bunch of hipsters’ blogs and a short, unprofitable theatrical run in New York’s East Village.”
On the off-chance that anyone in the future reads this and thinks that OverthinkingIt is implying that “Two Gentlemen”‘s run in NYC was short and unprofitable, I (the author) would like to point out that we sold out the entire run and are looking to extend.
The run may still end up short, but, by God, it will not be unprofitable.
@Adam–sorry, in no way did I mean to imply that your theatrical run was anything other than a success.
Congrats on a sold out run; I think I speak for the entire OTI staff when I say A) I wish we’d come up with the idea and B) I hope we can attend a future performance!
Lee, I’d think you’d want to keep Freddie Prinze Jr. alive as it ultimately leads to your power ballad being ripped off and you earning millions. Preventing Stephaine Meyer from turning robots into the next sparkly vampires is completely acceptable.
Rather than speculating on the future films, shouldn’t you be focusing on the reason for the purchase? Clearly Pacificor, LLC is involved in a vast conspiracy that reaches into the highest levels of government and industry. Pacificor must be investing in the development of neural net processors (learning computers) and cybernetic organisms (living tissue over a metal endoskeleton). They are laying the groundwork for future terminating machines, and they don’t want the public to be warned of the truth through the Terminator film series. By revealing this information, I’m unintentionally inviting a ‘Pelican Brief’ style cover-up, so watch yourself.
Lee, surely you of all people must recognize the futility of your plan. Embracing no fate but what we make presents a best case scenario of making all of your efforts ultimately futile, and a worse case scenario of making your efforts contribute to causing the future you so desperately want to avoid come to exist. The determinism of movie economics will prevail, your only hope is to wait until you win the lawsuit, then use your vast wealth to acquire the terminator franchise, thus actually achieving your goals. However, if you want to fill the time in between now and then with terminating Stephanie Meyer and all things Twilight, I would understand.
I actually thought perhaps Pacificor is moving in the direction of creating a future somewhat inspired by _Demolition Man_. What with the Supreme Court’s decision to let coroporations donate to campaigns, perhaps Pacificor is trying to turn the Governator into the Presidentor or something. Change the Constitution? Sure, why not. It’s Arnold.
corporations*
I would totally watch a Terminator musical with Linda Hamilton and Michael Biehn.
@Chris: you’ve made me realize that I’ve made a terrible mistake.
Someone at Pacificor has read this post and thought, “hey, Nic Cage and Freddie Prinze Jr. actually would make a great duo for the next Terminator movie. And ‘Short Sell’ would be a great title. Let’s do that! Surely this won’t lead us to the horrible downfall that this Internet asshole predicts for us.”
I have caused the apocalyptic future I tried to prevent!
NOoooooooo!
*plucks eyes out*
You forgot to mention “Top Gun” himself: Tom Cruise. Crusise’s 5’8″ terminator-in-drag performance will captivate audiences who will find themselves “unable to look away.” We will be somewhat perpelx bt Cruise’s instance at calling everyone “goose,” but we will manage to hold out thorugh most of the movie without vomiting rechewed popcorn on the sucker sitting in front of us. “Goose Connor? I have come from the future to assail your sensibilities.”
The sequel to the sequined-dressed Cruised will add Tom Arnold to the cast. Appropriately titled, “Tom and Tommer,” the sequel will lead to the movie finale when Arnold Schwarzenegger returns to the line up as a T-2XL. Tom, Tom Arnold and Arnold – what a line-up!