EXCLUSIVE: The Future of the Terminator Franchise

You’ve probably heard the news by now that hedge fund Pacificor, LLC has purchased the rights to the Terminator franchise from Halcyon’s bankruptcy auction. This transaction has sparked massive speculation on the franchise’s future. Will McG make more sequels? Will T1 and T2 screenwriter Will Wisher’s treatments turn into the next two sequels? Will Pacificor go for a total reboot?

The future not set: there is no fate but what this shady hedge fund makes, right? Well, I wasn’t content with that. As a rabid Terminator fanboy, I needed to know how this turns out, so I took the liberty of using the Overthinking It Time Displacement Field (OTITDF) to travel ten years into the future to see what will become of our beloved franchise.

My report is as follows. Be warned; it ain’t pretty.

2012-2014: The Sequels

Pacificor’s first move was to get a sequel to Terminator: Salvation out the door as quickly as possible. McG, not having anything else better to do, agreed to helm the sequel. Christian Bale, upon hearing that McG had brought on the same Director of Photography from the last movie, refused to participate.

McG, in a bind, recalled Freddie Prinze, Jr’s fine work in Wing Commander and tapped him for the role of John Connor. Nicolas Cage just showed up on set, and nobody had the heart to tell him he wasn’t actually in the movie.

Pacificor, for its part, contributed the title:

To no one’s surprise (well, this guy was surprised), Terminator: Short Sell tanked at the box office. Pacificor demanded a new direction for the franchise, one that would appeal beyond the hard-core fanboy demographic. Pacificor fired McG, but retained Freddie Prinze, Jr., whose nuanced performance in Terminator: Short Sell was one of the few parts of the movie that gained critical praise. Pacificor then did what it should have done in the first place: exploit Freddie’s comparative advantage in romantic comedies:

There's Something About Terminator

There’s Something About Terminator, with a much smaller budget than any of the previous films in the franchise, produced a high Return On Investment (ROI), but by this point, Pacificor’s management had grown tired of the feature film business and sought new ways to leverage its Terminator asset.

10 Comments on “EXCLUSIVE: The Future of the Terminator Franchise”

  1. Adam Bertocci #

    “Much to their dismay, the project went no further than appearing on a bunch of hipsters’ blogs and a short, unprofitable theatrical run in New York’s East Village.”

    On the off-chance that anyone in the future reads this and thinks that OverthinkingIt is implying that “Two Gentlemen”‘s run in NYC was short and unprofitable, I (the author) would like to point out that we sold out the entire run and are looking to extend.

    The run may still end up short, but, by God, it will not be unprofitable.

     
  2. lee #

    @Adam–sorry, in no way did I mean to imply that your theatrical run was anything other than a success.

    Congrats on a sold out run; I think I speak for the entire OTI staff when I say A) I wish we’d come up with the idea and B) I hope we can attend a future performance!

     
  3. RiderIon #

    Lee, I’d think you’d want to keep Freddie Prinze Jr. alive as it ultimately leads to your power ballad being ripped off and you earning millions. Preventing Stephaine Meyer from turning robots into the next sparkly vampires is completely acceptable.

     
  4. Kevin #

    Rather than speculating on the future films, shouldn’t you be focusing on the reason for the purchase? Clearly Pacificor, LLC is involved in a vast conspiracy that reaches into the highest levels of government and industry. Pacificor must be investing in the development of neural net processors (learning computers) and cybernetic organisms (living tissue over a metal endoskeleton). They are laying the groundwork for future terminating machines, and they don’t want the public to be warned of the truth through the Terminator film series. By revealing this information, I’m unintentionally inviting a ‘Pelican Brief’ style cover-up, so watch yourself.

     
  5. Chris #

    Lee, surely you of all people must recognize the futility of your plan. Embracing no fate but what we make presents a best case scenario of making all of your efforts ultimately futile, and a worse case scenario of making your efforts contribute to causing the future you so desperately want to avoid come to exist. The determinism of movie economics will prevail, your only hope is to wait until you win the lawsuit, then use your vast wealth to acquire the terminator franchise, thus actually achieving your goals. However, if you want to fill the time in between now and then with terminating Stephanie Meyer and all things Twilight, I would understand.

     
  6. Gab #

    I actually thought perhaps Pacificor is moving in the direction of creating a future somewhat inspired by _Demolition Man_. What with the Supreme Court’s decision to let coroporations donate to campaigns, perhaps Pacificor is trying to turn the Governator into the Presidentor or something. Change the Constitution? Sure, why not. It’s Arnold.

     
  7. Gab #

    corporations*

     
  8. cornflakes #

    I would totally watch a Terminator musical with Linda Hamilton and Michael Biehn.

     
  9. lee #

    @Chris: you’ve made me realize that I’ve made a terrible mistake.

    Someone at Pacificor has read this post and thought, “hey, Nic Cage and Freddie Prinze Jr. actually would make a great duo for the next Terminator movie. And ‘Short Sell’ would be a great title. Let’s do that! Surely this won’t lead us to the horrible downfall that this Internet asshole predicts for us.”

    I have caused the apocalyptic future I tried to prevent!

    NOoooooooo!

    *plucks eyes out*

     
  10. Moe Moe #

    You forgot to mention “Top Gun” himself: Tom Cruise. Crusise’s 5’8″ terminator-in-drag performance will captivate audiences who will find themselves “unable to look away.” We will be somewhat perpelx bt Cruise’s instance at calling everyone “goose,” but we will manage to hold out thorugh most of the movie without vomiting rechewed popcorn on the sucker sitting in front of us. “Goose Connor? I have come from the future to assail your sensibilities.”

    The sequel to the sequined-dressed Cruised will add Tom Arnold to the cast. Appropriately titled, “Tom and Tommer,” the sequel will lead to the movie finale when Arnold Schwarzenegger returns to the line up as a T-2XL. Tom, Tom Arnold and Arnold – what a line-up!