The Muppets USED to be one of the finest, classiest shows on television.  The best, really.  And I can tell you, the Muppets are some of my biggest fans.  It’s really a tragedy what’s been happening with them lately.  Sad! What we need to do—what AMERICA needs to do—is bring back what makes the Muppets great.  What makes the Muppets the best.

That’s right folks, we need more Waldorf.

We need Waldorf! He rubs people the wrong way.  He’s rough.  He yells at the Muppets and makes fun of them.  But what we need in this country more than anything is Waldorf.  Enough of this political correctness that’s been ruining our nation—if the Muppets are bad, we need an old man in the balcony to yell at them and make fun of them.  We need a Waldorf!

And we need to make Statler pay for it!  That guy, what a piece of work that guy.  He’s been riding Waldorf’s coattails for too long.  The Muppets WILL be a great institution again.  With the greatest Waldorf you’ve ever seen—and I’m the only one that can make it happen.