Be sure to add your own in the comments. I’m sure the OTI readers have some real winners up their sleeves.
Q: How many members of the Academy does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Depends on when the light bulb was released. If it was before November, none. They won’t even give it a chance to shine.
Q: Why did the member of the Academy cross the road?
A: To get to the art house cinema across the street.
A member of the Academy walks in to a bar. “Bartender,” he says, “give me a drink.” Bartender asks, “What’ll ya have?” Academy member says, “something not too high budget, released later in the year, has not too much action or comedy, and takes itself very seriously.” Bartender punches him in the face.
A member of the Academy walks into a bar. He starts chatting with the bartender, and the subject of who he nominated for “Best Original Song” comes up. The academy member says he really liked “Down to Earth” from “WALL-E” but couldn’t really think of anything else that was Oscar-worthy this year. Bruce Springsteen walks in and punches him in the face.
A member of the Academy walks into a bar. “Ouch!” he says, “I thought I raised that bar a lot higher than that with my snooty selections for best picture this year. Why is it so low? Or maybe…my stature has just increased along with my standards. That must be it.”
Thank you. I’ll be here all night.