INT. FACEBOOK OFFICE

A 12-year-old boy sits behind a desk.

BOY: Hi there. I’m Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook. I wanted to tell you about some of the exciting new features we’ll be rolling out in the coming months. You guys have enjoyed the “Poke” since the beginning. In 2007, we added the Super Poke. But for those times you really want to get somebody’s attention, we’re introducing the Ultra Poke.

INT. DORM ROOM – DAY

There is a knock on the door. A COLLEGE GIRL answers it. A MAN with a clipboard stands in the hallway.

MAN: Are you Abby Smith?

COLLEGE GIRL: Yes.

He quickly pokes her hard in the chest.

COLLEGE GIRL: Ow!

MAN: Consider yourself poked!

INT. FACEBOOK OFFICE

MARK: You guys can’t seem to get enough updates on each other. So we’re adding thoughts to your News Feed.

INT. LECTURE HALL – DAY

COLLEGE GIRL #2 is looking at Facebook during class. A new message suddenly appears on her page: “Brad is fantasizing about you.”

She looks across the lecture hall, alarmed. A college guy, BRAD, is staring into space with a vacant expression. A message flashes on Brad’s computer screen: “Sarah totally knows you’re fantasizing about her.”

INT. FACEBOOK OFFICE

MARK: You thought Scrabulous was fun? Wait ‘til you play our new game, Hungry Hungry Hippulous.

FACEBOOK PAGE

A message box says, “Click OK to eat marble!”

MARK VOICEOVER: And for even more excitement, try ULTRA Hungry Hungry Hippolous!

INT. DORM ROOM – DAY

Same dorm room as before. The College Girl opens the door and sees a man in a hippo costume. He grabs her and tries to eat her.

COLLEGE GIRL: Aiiiieee!

INT. FACEBOOK OFFICE

MARK: And finally, we’re following up Facebook Chat with Facebook Hyperchat. This will give users the groundbreaking ability to interact with their friends in person.

INT. DINING HALL – DAY

COLLEGE GUY #1 is eating a burger by himself. COLLEGE GUY #2 walks up, taps him on the shoulder, and hands him a sheet of paper. It says “JOSH would like to initiate a Facebook Hyperchat with you.” There are boxes labeled “ACCEPT” and “DENY.”

College Guy #1 takes out a marker and checks “ACCEPT.” College Guy #2 sits down.

COLLEGE GUY #2: Hey man, how’s it going?

COLLEGE GUY #1: Not bad. Big test tomorrow.

INT. FACEBOOK OFFICE

MARK: We hope you enjoy these exciting Facebook innovations. And even if you don’t, what are you gonna do? Set up a Friendster profile?