Never again will the real have the chance to produce itself — such is the vital function of the model in a system of death, or rather of anticipated resurrection, that no longer even gives the event of death a chance.

–Jean Baudrillard

Let’s play a game:  I’m going to say something ridiculous, just for the fun of it.  Okay, here goes.  “The Terminator franchise will come to an end with the upcoming Christian Bale movie, Terminator: Salvation.  It will be the very last Terminator story ever told in any medium; the franchise will die when the credits roll.”

So why is that so absurd?  Obviously a franchise is endlessly renewable as long as a corporate entity believes the property has value, and yet franchises do die.  There is nothing inherently ridiculous about the claim that there will not be another Ghostbusters movie.  The two that already exist present us with closed narrative forms, both individually and as a unit.  If another Ghostbusters movie were to be created, it would be a resurrection of a dead property.  The same is not true of the Terminator, which, as of the Sarah Connor Chronicles, exists outside of time.

Or: Holy plaisire du texte, Barthes-Man!

The plot of The Dark Knight, like that of Batman Begins, is honestly kind of shapeless and waffle-y. And yet, as Memento proves, Nolan is capable of writing narratives that are drum-taught and mongoose-agile. Why is he churning out these behemoths? Why, despite the wafflage, are they so dang good?

To answer this, I’d like to take a minute to consider Batman as a piece of storytelling, to consider the properties of the tale as it’s told. You’re probably taking it as given that there are spoilers for The Dark Knight ahead. But I should warn you that there are also spoilers for Batman Begins, Citizen Kane, The Godfather, Forrest Gump, the Superman comic books, and The Hunt For Red October. Be warned.

In his famous - for a certain value of “fame” - book S/Z, Roland Barthes strip-mines Balzac’s Sarrasine, wringing every scrap of meaning out of the text and classifying his findings into five narrative codes: Hermeneutic, Semic, Proairetic, Symbolic, and Cultural. The wikipedia definitions of these codes are pretty solid as of this writing (I mean, they could be “Taco! Taco! Taco!” by tomorrow), but they’re easier to understand when you see them in action. Like after the jump! Convenience!

There’s a new McDonalds ad that kind of weirds me out. Sadly I haven’t located the video online - post a link in the comments if you can find it.

Anyway, this is the latest in their campaign based on the idea that the food items on the dollar menu sit around all day having meetings that revolve around who is eligible for membership in the dollar menu. Generally these ads are stupid, but inoffensive. The new one, well… here’s a rough transcript.