What is Cthulhu, really? Why are the Great Old Ones here on Earth, and what are their plans?

These are some of the great mysteries that have been haunting us since H.P. Lovecraft first introduced his Cthulhu mythos in the 1920s.

But those questions are dumb. The real question is: how the hell are you supposed to pronounce his freakin’ name?

Yes, yes. I know you all want to say, “It’s kuh-THOO-loo, obviously.”

Yes. Obviously.

But why? Tradition? Because the author said so? ‘Cause that’s how they say it in the role-playing game, Call of Cthulhu(tm)?

No. I disagree. You heard it here first, folks. “Cthulhu” should–nay, MUST–be pronounced “THOO-loo.”

Before you start yelling, hear me out, below the magic fold…