The new iPhone app, “I Am T-Pain,” allows wanna-be T-Pains and Kanyes to apply a heavy Auto-tune effect to their voice and sing along to a backing track. I was about to write an analysis of this curious new form of music making when I thought, why not just sing it Auto-Tune style using the app?

Shawwwty!

Lyrics after the jump. Shawwwty!

Really, Mark Lee should be writing this post. A couple weeks ago, he had the idea of doing a schmaltzy Terminator song, in the style of “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” or “Everything I Do (I Do It For You).” He asked if anyone would be willing to help, and I told him to “keep me in the loop,” which means “good luck.” Then he sent me a demo version of the song, and it’s been in my head ever since. So in the end, I had no choice but to make this video.

Notice the armband he’s wearing?

This song, to me, is a prime example of “earony,” a word I coined to describe my feelings towards inspirational speeches. The word is a combination of “earnest” and “ironic.” With this song, Mark is clearly mocking monster ballads. At the same time, he clearly loves monster ballads to death. Thus, it’s an earonic song.

I like to imagine this whole backstory about lovers separated by nuclear disaster, searching for each other as they dodge exoskeletons. “How far would you go to find the one you love?” No wait, maybe we play it a little lighter. Poster shows an endless line of gleaming robots walking down Santa Monica Boulevard. Tagline: “The commute is killer today.”

But here’s something to Overthink: is the end credits monster ballad a thing of the past? Robin Hood was ‘91, Armageddon was ‘98. Nowadays, they end action movies with upbeat rock songs, not cigarette lighter-waving declarations of undying affection. Of course, maybe the monster ballad itself is an endangered species. The genre definitely peaked in the 80’s and early 90’s. I might argue that the high water mark for monster ballads was 1992, which gave us “November Rain” and “Bed of Roses.” But ‘92 was also the breakout year for Nirvana. After Nevermind, rock became less glam, for better and for worse.

Anyway: Mark, you’re a rock star, plain and simple.

Lyrics after the jump.

Unstoppable warriors made of metal. Bullets won’t harm them. Are they Terminators, or are they…

…the knights from Bedknobs and Broomsticks?

Could this be James Cameron’s inspiration for The Terminator? Not likely. Cameron himself cites two episodes of  The Outer Limits, “The Demon with the Glass Hand” and “Soldier,” as inspirations for the franchise, but it’s still fun to think…what if? And besides, pretty much any movie scene is made better by laying the Terminator theme music underneath it.

[Readers who are as excited as Lee is about the upcoming Terminator: Salvation should make sure to read all of Overthinking It's prior Terminator coverage.]

Given his fixation with people/things that have only one of something (ponies and tricks, dogs and legs, men with arms, etc.), we figured it’d go something like this:

(Lyrics by Belinkie, Fenzel, and Lee. Guitar, piano, and vocals by Lee.)

Update: MP3 version after the jump!

Everyone is familiar with the classic “Johnny B. Goode” scene from Back to the Future and the accompanying controversy: how dare the filmmakers insinuate that a white kid (Calvin Klein/Marty McFly) actually invented rock & roll instead of a black guy (Chuck Berry)? Haven’t white people stolen music from black people enough already?

This sort of knee-jerk reaction completely disregards the evidence on hand. Once and for all, let’s put this myth to bed. Marty McFly did not invent rock ‘n’ roll. He did not give Chuck Berry the song “Johnny B. Goode.”

Don’t believe me? Watch the scene again:

Notice that when Marvin Berry holds up the receiver to allow Chuck Berry to listen (at around 1:19 in the video), Marty has already played the signature guitar lick and sung all of the lyrics. In fact, Chuck only gets to listen to the last parts of Marty’s performance: the shred metal breakdown.

If Chuck Berry actually took to this “new sound,” what effect would this have had on rock n roll history? See for yourself:

The video demonstrates two points:

1) The Jonas Brothers should reinvent themselves as an avant garde noise metal band. That would be awesome.

and

2) Chuck Berry took little to no inspiration from Marty’s performance.

Keeping in mind what Chuck Berry actually heard, we can fill in the gaps on Marvin and Chuck Berry’s phone conversation:

MARVIN: You know that new sound you’re looking for? Well, listen to this!

[Marvin and Chuck listen to Marty's wild shredding guitar solo.]

CHUCK: Marvin, what the hell was that? What’s going on?

MARVIN: Uh, sorry. Let me explain… You see, I cut my hand at that high school dance gig, and we got this white kid to fill in on guitar at the last minute. For the encore, he whipped out this smokin’ jump blues tune, somethin’ about Johnny do good…ah, never mind.

CHUCK: Great, just great. Thanks Marvin.

MARVIN: Whatever, Chuck. Just keep playing that “Maybellene” country crap. I’m sure it’ll go far.

Phew! Paradox averted!

Albeit at the expense of the Jonas Brothers as a noise metal band. A small price to pay for a healthy space-time continuum, I suppose.

I’m the only Asian American writer at OTI, and I’m one of those Asian Americans referred to in the previous post Reclaiming Miyagi that has beef with this character. Specifically, mine is with that (in)famous phrase, “Wax On, Wax Off”:

In a fit of Angry Asian Male Rage, I did a little video editing and voice-over to see what would happen if Mr. Miyagi lost the Asian Accent. See the remix, and what inspired it, after the jump.

So way back in April, I first had the idea of editing together inspirational speeches. Since then, the Dow has dropped 3,000 points and one million jobs have been lost. The people of the United States are now a ragtag bunch of scruffy underdogs, down by three touchdowns at halftime, with a whole horde of orcs waiting for us right outside those locker room doors. Inspiration has become something we need. (By the way, you couldn’t tell because it started the sentence, but “Inspiration” was capitalized.)

What I’m trying to say is, I may have just single-handedly saved the economy with this montage:

TRANSCRIPT:

Our society’s institutions are collapsing, and we have lost confidence in our leaders to save us. Wait, didn’t someone make a summer blockbuster about this?

Where do we turn in this time of crisis? Here’s what the Joker thinks about President Bush’s economic bailout.

My Friends,

Obviously, the presidential election is our focus right now. But there are other races going on too. Races that deserve our attention. I am, of course, referring to the current battle for the heart and soul of McDonaldland.