Comments on: Best Way to Kill a Vampire [Think Tank]

By: Gab

Gab — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 22:09:17 +0000

Marmaduke: Wow. Read a blurb about it, and wow. Heh.

By: Marmaduke

Marmaduke — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 16:59:28 +0000

Gab would you believe there’s actually an amazing book called Fat White Vampire Blues that basically takes that idea to amusing heights?

By: CppThis

CppThis — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 11:25:04 +0000

The key point to remember is that vampires are immortal, thus we need something that is similarly everlasting and monolithic if we truly want to counter the threat. Dropping one at a time with stakes or Korean despots won’t cut it when the other vampires can put dozens at risk in one night of feeding. It is well known that the only certain things are death and taxes. Death won’t work obviously, so clearly we need to get the government involved and legislate them into oblivion.

Ergo I conclude that tort reform is the best means of killing vampires. And since it’s the government, we can co-opt some of the advantages of using other vampires while we’re at it.

By: Laurence

Laurence — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 12:14:19 +0000

Surely the best way to kill a vampire is to have them watch Twilight on DVD at night? That way they will piss themselves laughing so hard, they forget it’s morning and then ‘random burning noise’ Dust on the floor….

Sorted thanks to wee Eddie :)

By: Mads Ejstrup

Mads Ejstrup — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 07:21:07 +0000

A Danish Christmas tree. I know what you are thinking, why a Danish tree, what is so special about a that? Well, we Danes love to decorate everything with our flag, especially Christmas trees. And what do our flag look like? That’s right, it’s red with a white cross, as in a Christian cross. So a Danish Christmas tree will ad a light family friendly tone to the whole slaying business and if everything else fails, it makes wood handily available for producing some stakes.

By: Carlos

Carlos — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 21:48:25 +0000

@stokes

You tell me you’ve never pitched a tent thinking about the love of a good woman?

By: Gab

Gab — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 01:36:33 +0000

Diggery wasn’t killed by the Goblet of Fire, Fenzel, it was the Killing Curse, Avada Kedavra. GOSH, get it RIGHT. ;p

I say make them gorge themselves, causing massive amounts of obesity and heart disease. Then they’ll die off. How? Throw enough people with this in their path, and they won’t be able to resist themselves because of the flow:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idiopathic_thrombocytopenic_purpura

By: Frank

Frank — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 22:19:53 +0000

*Dons nerd pedantry cape*

Stakes will multiply the force applied to the blunt end by the ratio of the area of the blunt end over the area of the point. So the pointier the stake the better. One might wonder why vampire hunters seem to go with crudely carved stakes rather than breaking out a whittling knife. Didn’t Blade use steel ones or something?

By: El Acordeonachi

El Acordeonachi — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 20:39:58 +0000

For style points alone you have to go with the codpiece gun worn by Sex Machine (Tom Savini) in From Dusk Til Dawn.

By: pave

pave — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 19:56:18 +0000

stakes because all you really need is a bunch of pencils.