Oy, don’t I wish that $3.99 gas was the result of a raise in gas prices in my neck of the woods? Alas, gas just went DOWN to that yesterday…

A few elements seemed totally forced in. Namely, the “Jason” and the bit in the salon. Given you NAMED the film “Monday the 13th,” the Jason part is the most important to fix, and another reference to it at the end would be helpful to tie it all together. At the beginning, there needs to be a little more reason for him to be there. Maybe by having him make some remark about how all he wants is that inheritance or something, he’ll get it, bwahahaha, as John runs away… The wife in the salon, maybe Monte Chaney can reference how he’s getting her ready to make a big impression in her new city?

(I realize my suggestions are probably God awful, but I don’t like criticizing without offering *something* in return, even if what I offer is mediocre at best.)